Sometimes all it takes is an apology.

I have friend that said one of the most hurtful phrases a friend has ever said to me.  I cried, and took a break from the friendship for 2 yrs (minus serious life events taking place in which I reached out).  For the first time my mother even told me to walk away from a friendship.  My mother has never done this before with any of my close friendships.  She calls it "kiddy stuff" to get involved in my friendships.

That phrase was the straw that broke the camels back and anything that happened afterwards was just icing on the cake.  We'd tried to just move past it 9 months later when she told me she missed my friendship, but that only lasted 8 months before something else "bogus" took place.  I took a 10 month break (I thought it was going to be permanent).  We finally had a conversation after she had to undergo major surgery.  The whole time she was in surgery i just kept thinking to myself Lord please don't her die or not be okay and our friendship is the way it is.  Once she was able to talk and sit up again we talked.

The apologies I received and the explanations were things I didn't even realize how much I needed, immediately I felt at peace again.  The reason we were able to move on 10 months before was that deep down inside I needed that apology.  I tend to be very forgiving, and will try to just brush certain things away or decide to move on from whatever took place without even having to discuss it.  But with this being such a close friend and what she said having cut so deeply I need more.

I am thankful that we were able to say the things we needed to say and move on and back to each other.  I am sad it took a terrible event for us to get there, but happy nonetheless.

Destination Wedding

I reallllllyyyyy want to do a destination wedding. It is less stressful for the bride and planner, and we can do a lot more with our $ to create a fantabulous wedding weekend for our guests. My mom is deadset against us doing this. She wants us to have a wedding here in the Chicagoland area so all of her family and friends can be invited. I would be fine with 30-50 people at our destination. She has communicated she'd be VERY disappointed if we did a destination wedding. I don't know what to do =(

I Big Chopped My Hair

*whispers* 2 wks ago. So far so good, but I did purchase some kinky curly weave hair today to give me a break from maintenance once school is really going.

Should we or shouldn't we?

So last night the topic of eloping/secretly marrying came up again. We almost went to the Justice of the Peace this summer to go and get married and just not tell anyone, but I didn't want to mess up my financial aid. Now that, that's all over the topic came up again. I feel like if we did it, it'd have to be a secret that only we knew about, so we could have a wedding later. My mom would be devastated if we didn't have a wedding, and I don't want to do that to her. What do you all think, are secret marriages okay?

Trust Issues?

I was having a convo with my guy today about a friend's guy having photos of other females in his cell phone and how I felt that was disrespectful. Some how the convo evolved to him chuckling and saying that I have trust issues. I had to pause and ask him to elaborate so I'd know exactly what he meant by that. The more we talked, the more I contemplated in what ways do I trust him 100% and in what ways am I still working on getting to 100%. It ended up boiling down to I trust him with my life, heart, and well being, but I am not exactly 100% trusting of him when it comes to electronic communication.

If someone random called and told me he was having sex, dating, kissing someone else, I'd laugh and tell them no he's not then hang up the phone. I wouldn't even call him to ask if it was true, because I trust him 100% when it comes to those things. Now, if someone called me and told me that they were flirting by text/email/fb message, I would listen, and then immediately call him and ask him. I wouldn't be able to hear it chuckle and know it wasn't true, a part of me would wonder. I had to ask myself is this enough for me to be labeled as a person who has trust issues?

PS - Don't worry we're still rock solid lol We just have really open and honest conversations about our thoughts, feelings, etc about our relationship and different scenarios that may or may not occur ;-)

Psalm 29:11

The LORD gives strength to his people;
the LORD blesses his people with peace

And just like that I'm over it

So after my gyrl did me how she did me last week, she called the next day to "make up for it". I really don't know how a person could make up for a once a yr event with a regular club night o_O. Since I declined that invite I haven't heard from her. It's been interesting and it's given me a chance to reflect...sometimes you just outgrow people in your life. For a few months I've been questioning our friendship. My eyes have been opened and a few sermons later, I'm okay with us just being not super close friends. I'm okay with my super small circle, even though they may not be in the same city as me. Yes, that may mean on missing out on an event like I did last week, but in the grand scheme of things that's not the end of the world. Keeping my circle tight keeps drama at a very low nonexistent level, and that's worth missing a special event =)